Never Say Never

I remember very vividly, an instance when, many years ago, I was walking through a busy mall with my husband. We were newlyweds and having kids was not yet on our radar. As we walked hand in hand through the crowds, we came across a frazzled mom who was juggling a screaming toddler in one hand and pushing a stroller full of shopping bags with the other. I commented to my husband how ridiculous it was to me that a mom would carry her child and use the stroller for bags. "The kids ages in the stroller, lady! Gees!" I commented (or something like that) and, then, I vowed that, when I was a mom, I would NEVER do something so absurd.

Fast forward a few years. I had my first daughter and frequently met a friend who was also a new mom at that exact same mall. We would shop, grab lunch, and just spend time walking around with our young daughters in their strollers and shopping bags in our hands. Until, the kids and a meltdown or got restless. Then, I did exactly the thing I had years before declared I would NEVER do. I would hike my daughter up onto my hip, drop the bags into the stroller, and quite ungracefully, make my way out of that mall with the memory of that "other mother" on my mind and the distinct taste of crow in my mouth. 

I realize now that parenting changes your perspectives in many, many ways. With no shame or remorse - okay, maybe a little - I will whole heartedly admit that in my 13+ years of parenting, I have actually done quite a few things that, before kids, I swore I would never do when I became a mom.

1. Co-sleeping. You buy a crib for your baby, so for Heaven's sake, put them in it! That's what "before kids" me would have said, but "before kids me" never spent the whole night awake with a screaming 7 month old who had her first ear infection (only her mom didn't know she had an ear infection until they went to the doctor the next day). At 3:00am when I was exasperated, exhausted, and needed to pee, I put the baby in the bed with my husband for "just a sec" and that baby fell asleep in about 10 seconds flat. Then, when the baby started crying the next night I thought,  "Hey! Last night she slept when she was in the bed with us!" and pretty soon that sweet baby got quite comfortable sleeping in the bed with her Mommy and Daddy. I even did it again with my second child although, again, I swore I wouldn't.
2. Using Bribery. HaHa, right??? I used to see that mom offering her toddler a lollipop if he would just behave while she made a quick trip through the grocery store and thought it was pathetic that a parent couldn't control her on kid without bribing him/her. I cannot even tell you how many times I have offered my kids some sort of treat in exchange for good behavior or a few minutes of peace. I choose to think of it as "reading good behavior" now!
3. Feeding my kids crap. Now, when I had little ones, making your own organic baby food wasn't nearly as trendy as it is now and I had no problem giving my babies a jar of Gerber baby food. However, I tried really hard not to give them too much junk like potato chips, French fries, and fast food. You know what happened? Life happened. Busy schedules made the drive thru at McDonald's or the Dominos delivery guy the most viable option for dinner sometimes. You know what else happened? My kids decided to be picky eaters. My youngest would eat pretty much nothing if it weren't for pizza, tacos, macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers, and hot dogs. At some point, I decided that eating something was better than eating nothing. 
I said I wouldn't feed my kids crap and I ended up eating my words! #1Word @TheGoldenSpoons
4. Letting them have too much screen time. My kids (at least two of the three) are perfectly happy to come home from school and spend the afternoon on the couch in front of the TV and the truth is that, sometimes, I let them. I make sure homework is done and we eat dinner together at the table, but otherwise I just let them "veg out." Sure, I can suggest they go outside or play a game together, but that usually creates bickering or the sound of "Mom! Come here!" and, once in a while, we all just need a break from it - we need a break from being busy and we need a break from each other. So, they are couch potatoes and I'm perfectly fine with that. 
5. Drink Coffee. And wine. It wasn't that I had anything against coffee or wine, I just honestly didn't like the taste of either back when I was a non-mom. Somewhere after our third daughter was born, I began to enjoy coffee, albeit doctored up with cream and sugar. I've also discovered that a sweet glass of moscato every once in a while can be quite relaxing.
6. Put my kids in private school. I was raised in public school. My parents were public high school teachers for over 60 years combined. My brother teaches public school. My mother in law and countless other relatives taught public school. I, myself, taught public school before I had kids. I have always been an advocate for public schools. Sometimes, though, you have to take actions you never anticipated and, for me, that meant moving two of my kids to a private school this year. 

Parenting has taught me many, many lessons. One of those lessons is that I shouldn't be so quick to judge others. When I formed my opinion of that mother and her actions many years ago, I had no idea what it was like to be a mom. Even now that I am a mom, I realize that I don't always know what struggles other parents might be facing or what challenges I might face myself in the future. I have learned that I should probably never say "Never!" unless I am fully prepared to eventually eat my words!

Never Say Never in Parenting! #1Word @TheGoldenSpoons

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This post was part of the One Word Blog Linkup hosted by, Janine of Confessions of a Mommyaholic and me! This week, the word prompt choices were Angry and Memory. If you would like to join the linkup you can find more information HERE, sign up for weekly emails HERE, and/or join our Facebook group HERE. Every Friday, two prompts are emailed. Choose one and write a post using that word as inspiration. Linkup up any time between 6:00am EST on Wednesday-9:00pm EST on Thursdays on any of the host sites.

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Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago. 2005. 

I was a 28 year old stay at home mom with a toddler and an infant. 

A happy, but tired and frazzled mommy.

I die of cuteness!

In some ways, those days seem like forever ago. They are a distant blip on my memory radar. 

On the other hand, it seems like I blinked and ten years went by at warp speed. Weren't they that little just yesterday?

That's how life goes, though - especially when you become a parent. When you are younger, people tell you it will go by fast, but nothing can prepare you for the sensation of looking back at pictures like these. It's as if I can almost feel the breeze as time whizzes by. 

Needless to say, a lot has changed in my life over the past ten years. Fortunately, most of it is good, although it sometimes felt so overwhelming when it was happening. 

Some things that have changed in the last decade . . . . 

1. Ten years ago, I was the mother of two. Now I am the mother of three.

2. In August of 2005, we moved from NC to Nashville, TN. We lived there for 9 months.

3. In 2010, we moved from the house we purchased in 2006 when we returned from Nashville into the house we live in now, which is also the house my husband lived in when he was growing up.

4. Back in 2005, my oldest was in half day preschool three days a week. My middle daughter (who was then the youngest) was with me all day, every day. Last week, my oldest started her final year of middle school. My other two daughters are in 5th and 3rd grades. 

5. Our first dog passed away in 2010. David and I got Maggie from a shelter before we had children. She was a great, loyal pet, but not so good with kids and strangers. A few months after she died, we got Sophie. She is greatly loved.

6. Ten years ago, our finances were a struggle. We had made some mistakes and were just beginning to fix them. Now, we aren't millionaires by any stretch of the imagination, but our family economy is MUCH more stable. We worked very hard to get it that way.

7. Many of the changes - the moving and the finances - are due to David's job. In 2004, he left a job where he was unhappy and found a much better situation. It was that job that took us to Nashville and back to NC. He celebrated his 10th anniversary with the company last December.

8.  In February 2014, I went back to work "accidentally" after being a SAHM for 11 years. My church called and asked me to fill in until they were able to hire someone permanent. I agreed to work for three months. Eighteen months later, I'm still there. :-) 

9.  A decade ago, nobody had ever heard of blogging. At least, I hadn't. I started my blog in 2010. Then, I kicked it into high gear in 2013. Since then I have been in a book, been featured on larger sites, and, most importantly, have made lots of new and wonderful friends through the internet. 

10. It goes without saying, I suppose, that the world has changed immensely in a decade. Some of it for better and some of it certainly for worse. Technology has exploded. Politicians have come and gone. There have been natural disasters and events that changed the way we live. I used to watch the news but somewhere in the midst of becoming a mother I stopped because I don't have time and my heart cant't take the sadness and violence that overwhelms the headlines. Perhaps, it was always that way and it's only my perspective that has changed. Sometimes, I worry about the world my daughters will inherit. That wasn't such concern for me 10 short years ago.  

What things have changed in your life over the past ten years?

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Come link up again next Tuesday, September 8! Since we looked and what has already changed this week, next week we'll be thinking about things we hope will change (or not) in the next ten years! 

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10 Tips to Help Kids Adjust To A New School

In the spring, my husband and I made the decision to move our two youngest daughters, ages 10 and 8, to a new school this fall. It was not an easy decision and one that only came after lots of discussion. With the start of school less than two weeks away, the reality of the choice is setting in for everyone. 

My youngest will be going into third grade and she is quite excited. My middle daughter, however, will be going into fifth grade and she is having very mixed emotions about it. I am still confident that we are doing the right thing, but change is never easy. 

Here are a few tips I have found that are helping to ease the transition and will, hopefully, continue to clam their nerves (and mine!) as we get closer to the first days of school.

1. Visit and/or tour the school - We took our girls to visit the school last spring as we were in the decision making process. They actually spent a day visit in the classrooms! There are also a couple upcoming orientations and, of course, open house. We have made a very specific effort to put all of these on our calendar and make sure our schedule is clear to attend. 
2. Make sure they have all the necessary supplies and forms filled out - We have already done shopping to make sure we are in compliance with the dress code that is new to us. We also made sure to purchase all the needed supplies. We added a little fun with picking out new backpacks and lunch boxes. Making sure they have everything they need gives them one less thing to worry about on the first day.
3. Remind them of other times they have experienced change - Have your kids changed schools before? Moved to a new home? Remind them that, even though it may have been hard, they did it successfully and they can be successful with this change, too.
4. Keep consistency where you can - Despite driving to a new school, our morning routine will be much the same as it has been in the past. We also allowed our girls to continue with the extracurricular activities they have done in the past rather than forcing them to change to different leagues/instructors closer to the new school. Although changing those activities might be more convenient, keeping them the same provides some consistency amidst the change. 
5. Help them make new friends (and keep old ones) - Admittedly, I am not a big play date mom. However, as my kids begin to make new friends at their new school, I know I may need to go out of my comfort zone to help foster those friendships through outings, playdates, and parties. I'm also allowing them to keep old friendships through phone calls and technology as much as I can.
6. Talk to their teachers - Whether you have to reach out on your own or just take opportunities as they are presented (such as open house), make sure your kids' new teacher are aware that this is a new school for your family. Make them aware of any learning difficulties your children have and/or any personality "quirks" they might display. Letting teachers know this information up front helps them be more readily able to relate to your child(ren).
7. Give your kids something to look froward to - Everyone likes to be rewarded! Celebrate a successful first day or first week by taking the kids out for ice cream or for a special experience. Let them know that you appreciate the effort they have put into adapting to their new situation and reward them for their success.
8. Be honest about your own feelings - The truth is, I am changing schools, too. I will also have to make new friends, find new ways to volunteer, and adjust to new schedules. While this should be easier for me as an adult, it is not without a few nerves and a bit of stress. I am trying to let my kids know that they aren't the only ones who are apprehensive so they know they are not alone.
9. Listen to their concerns and fears - Encourage you kids to express their feelings and listen when they do. Sometimes, being able to talk to someone can be the best remedy for a stressful situation. Make sure your kids know they can talk to you about what they are feeling and try to help them deal with those feelings accordingly.
10. Focus on the positives - Since my 10 year old is the most uneasy about this change, we have tried to keep reminding her of things we know are important to her. For example, she is my "tech" kid and the new school issues every student an iPad! This is a big "selling point" that we frequently use to re-energize her excitement and parlay her hesitation. 

Has you family experienced a change such moving or changing schools? What tips do you have to add for helping kids adjust?

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This post was part of the One Word Blog Linkup hosted by, Janine of Confessions of a Mommyaholic and me! This week, the word prompt choices were Blessing and Absurd. If you would like to join the linkup you can find more information HERE, sign up for weekly emails HERE, and/or join our Facebook group HERE. Every Friday, two prompts are emailed. Choose one and write a post using that word as inspiration. Linkup up any time between 6:00am EST on Wednesday-9:00pm EST on Thursdays on any of the host sites.

   

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