Back in August, right before the girls went back to school, we took a family trip to San Francisco. That's a long way across the country from our home in North Carolina! It was a great trip. We saw Alcatraz, the Golden Gate Bridge, the iconic trolley cars, the majestic redwoods at Muir Woods, and so much more.
One highlight of the trip was our excursion to Stinson Beach. It is touted as one of the best beaches in the Bay Area and gave me the chance to cross "putting my toes in the Pacific Ocean" off my bucket list.
Our time at the beach was not all relaxation and sunshine, though. It was a cloudy day and the water was even colder than we expected. Those, however, did not compare to the treacherous path we had to take to get to the beach. Seriously, I thought I was going to die as we drove along a steep, twisting two-lane road that ran miles along the edge of a cliff. I grew up in the mountains and, still, I have never seen a road quite like this. I don't like heights and, should I survive our plummet down the rocky cliff, I would not fare well in the ocean water below. I was terrified. (Which, by the way, my kids thought was hilarious!)
The views as we drove along the Scary Road.
See how tiny those people seem?? That's how high we were on the road at the top of this cliff.
My white knuckles and heart palpitations were a small price to pay, I suppose, for what was otherwise a fabulous trip - a trip that was possible for us because of my husband's business travel.
My husband is in sales and travels A LOT - as in the people at the airport know him by his first name and frequently ask how his kids are. Often, when people realize how often David is away, they say to me, "How do you handle him being gone all the time?" or "Wow! I don't know how you manage it all with him traveling so much!"
Well, the truth is that it's just what I'm used to. He has been traveling since we were first married and I have just learned how to cope. Like most things in life, there are pros and cons to the situation.
The Pros:
Travel Rewards - Case in point - San Francisco. Because of the many, many airline points David had accrued, the girls and I flew for free. We were also able to get a couple free nights at the hotel by cashing in his hotel honors points. If we had to pay for all that out of pocket, we probably wouldn't have gone. The same was true a few years ago when we went to Disney. Then, we also flew for free and got hotel nights free. I have gotten to tag along with him to many other cities including Miami, Chicago, Minneapolis, and PARIS!!!
Alone Time - I am an introvert by nature and I need alone time to reset and refocus. Of course, I love having David at home in the evenings. But, when he is gone, I can use that time to write, go to bed early, and/or just enjoy some quiet time after the kids are in bed.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. - I think that, because he is gone so much, I appreciate it more when he is home and, hopefully, he feels the same way about the girls and me.
The Cons:
Single Parenting - It's not true single parenting, I know, because he is still the primary breadwinner for our family and we still communicate daily about family decisions. However, when he is gone, all the day to day mechanics fall on me. I am the one getting kids to school, doing all the chores, helping with the homework, and doing the bedtime routine.
Inconsistent Schedules - One week he's home, the next week he's gone. Two days this week; four days that week. I am constantly asking, "When will you be home again?" and "Should I count you in for dinner that night or will you be getting back too late?" The girls ask, "When will Daddy be home?" No week is ever the same.
Jealousy - I admit that, sometimes, the green-eyed monster gets the best of me. I'm at home doing all the "dirty work" while he's going out to nice dinners and spending the night alone in a hotel room. His job seems heavenly compared to mine. Or does it?? (Hint: See the tips below!)
Tips to help when your spouse is gone:
See the other side - I once was very honest with David about how jealous I sometimes was of his traveling while I was stuck at home in all the minutiae. He retorted that the grass is not always greener on his side. He lives out of a suitcase and sleeps in a different bed almost every night. He has to deal with the headaches of travel like airport security and delayed flights. Also, it's not like he is just out enjoying all the cities he visits. When he is there, he is scurrying between meetings and presentations, rarely having any time to do "touristy" things or take in the sights. Above all else, he misses all the things I get to see. He's missed soccer games, awards programs, impromptu laughter, and bedtime kisses. Sometimes, he is just as jealous of me as I am of him.
Lean on your village - I would love to tell you that I am Superwoman and I can do it all on my own. I can't. Thanks goodness for all the people who help me out when I am juggling schedules, or sick kids, or when I just need a little break. They make life with a traveling spouse a million times easier.
Use Technology - When David is gone, we FaceTime as often as possible so he and the girls can still talk. My girls are old enough to have email and they know they can email him when he is away. Just the other night, David and I had an entire conversation via texting while he was on a plane and I was sitting on our couch in my pajamas.
Cut yourself some slack - When David is gone, I rarely cook a "real" meal for the girls and me. I let the kids skip showers some nights. If they watch a little too much TV so I can finish the dishes, then so be it. I do the best I can when I'm on my own and I don't feel guilty (much) for the things I cannot get done. I only have two hands.
How about you? Do you or your spouse travel for work? What are the pros and cons for your family? What are some ways you make it work?
